gone for awhile

I was called into take care of a patient for the next 72 hours so I will be away from the computer...I will check back with all of you when I get back home friday or so...

Donna

7000.00

7000.00 thousand dollars...

This is a guess of the amount of money I have invested in the last year and a half in my goal to get my license in Dental Hygiene....This is only a guess could be more...I don't even want to really know....<she feels nausea setting in>

No we are not wealthy and no I didn't just have this money laying around collecting interest...

Its money we busted our butts to get or my family did without for me to pursue my dream

I feel stress like you wouldn't believe....a million words go around in my head over and over...like..

If I fail my family has suffered for nothing...

Oh people say you will do fine don't worry...

But those are empty assurances because I know what the playing field is and I'm not working with the best odds....

I guess in my heart I know I will not succeed...oh I can bang my chest and say I will prevail...but deep in my heart doing this alone is way harder than even a hard headed person like me can do...

It not that I can't be a hygienist...that is the easy part...its all the stupid rules..Finding the right patient is like finding a needle in a haystack...They make the test so difficult to follow or be successful at not doing it alone....

The reason its so hard for me is because I'm not in school anymore so I don't have a support system...not to mention I graduated 23 years ago from hygiene school

I sit here and tears are running down my face the emotion is so strong.. I can't even stop them

I feel like I have wasted my families time and money...

This is a old wound from 23 years ago...this feeling of failure...... I thought I could be successful this time

Frankly I'm exhausted...and feel like I could run far away and never turn back

Fear is a strong emotion it evokes such pain in my heart.....

So tomorrow will come and my eyes will open and I will take a step each and every day until the test comes on May 1st...

chomp chomp chomp

The title of this entry is the sound of my eating my words....lol

 

SO after I wrote my last entry...I had to eat my words..

My husband grabbed me as I walk by and made me sit in his lap...

told me he loved me and that he believed in me....

that I could do it....and he was here for me

I guess I underestimate him at times...

I have so much stressed with this Dental Hygiene stuff I feel like I'm losing my mind.

I have been working way more than I want to with my plastic surgery sitting jobs...

When I work its like I take care of a patient for 24 to 72 hours at a time..

I miss my family alot when I do alot of these in a row...

an I get super tired and sensitive due to lack of sleep...

I apologize for my whining..

Thanks for your kind words

I'm upset

I'm upset tonight...not really with one person but perhaps at a bunch of stuff that keeps slapping me down...

My hubby knows I'm upset and that he is one of the many I am dissapointed in somewhat...

What does he do when he feels I'm upset

He cleans house...

That is right ladies dishes,laundry,you name it well exept toliets ......

I would rather he come over and hug me pick me up...well if he could pick me up and carry me into the bedroom and hold me while I cry it out...

But no he cleans...

oh I appreciate that he cleans and I know he doesnt know how to show emotions like I would like and everyone likes a clean house...

but I would still like him to just hold me....sigh....

That would be nice.....

conversation with zach about lunch

zach came to me and said

Zach: momma we have a field trip tomarrow

Me: thats good are you excited

Zach: yes ..momma I need to take a lunch....can I make it

Me: sure

a few minutes go by

Zach: I have it ready you wont to look

Me: yes tell me what you have

Zach: ok...I have little debbies zebra cakes, potato chips, gold fish crackers and oreos

Me:HUM that's alot of snakes...what about a sandwich

Zach: oh yeah well you can fix that

MeThanks..<she says smugley>

Paula Paula Paula

http://www.myfoxdfw.com/myfox/pages/Home;jsessionid=D3F9953C3D655BFBD73D6C074445415D

See paula abduls interview here in dallas texas.

Paula what are you smoking..

She looks like she too one to many vicodin!!!

HOw many people have your name

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 236 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

I did it

SO yesterday I sent my application overnighted to WREB aka West regional Examination board...My clinical boards for getting my Dental Hygiene license..

835.00 Can you say CRAP  That is a crap load of money for a test...and if I fail you guess it you pay the same amount every time you take it..

I am really stressing with the money issue. I wish I could get some more calls for patient care..I am about 1000.00 short on having enough money to take my class in CT.

Its getting down to the wire and my stomach is in knots...

This is when I wish I was wealthy.....

Donald Trump

Dear. Donald Trump,

You are proof that money can not buy style or intelligence..so go back into your gold delusionial cage and stay.

 

brain fart

get kids up...Check

Get kids dressed..Check

load up into the car...Check..

Drive to school...Check

parking lot empty....HUH  

yep a brain fart on my part ...schools back tomarrow...

oh and kohl's has BATHING SUITS for sale today...any takers.....lol lol

What the crap its only january 2