Dear Jerry Wayne Kenyon

Dear Jerry Wayne Kenyon,

Hello dear cousin of mine.. I wanted to take a minute to thank you for your kindness and tell you that I love you..I know you know this but humor me.....You always send me those beautiful jacque Lawson e-mail cards just because..

You are such a thoughtful and kind person..Thank you for that

I talked with mom today and I receive alarming news about you..

Mom said you died this morning and went to be with the Lord and your dad.. I know you would not want me to be sad. But frankly Jerry I am...Mainly sad for myself I know that is selfish of me... I know these last few years had been hard for you with your wife dieing and the brain tumor but you had persevered ...with a good attitude I might ad.

I know we hadn't physically hug in many years but you and I had sent pictures and hug Internet style...lol

It is my hope that your family was surrounding you with love as you pass on to be with God... I know you were tired and your body was worn out from disease..

I will miss you Jerry...As I type this I cry and tears run down my face I know you would tell me don't cry but I just have to...I know one day I will die also but you will be there standing on the other side with open arms..

Thank you for the simple beauty and kindness you brought into my life and the lives of others..

Take care...Save me a place...Tell uncle Alvin your dad that we miss him and hug him for me....

With great love and affection

your cousin

Donna

where did she go

Does anybody know where Vernae is....I miss her...first her journal went private and now I cannot get any of her names to work on e-mail..

Vernae if you read this e-mail me...If anybody has contact with her tell her mama texas want to hear from her

Work study work study work study

Can you guess from the title what I have been doing..It amazing how fast a week will go when your studying and working....I took care of a young man from Hungary having reconstructive jaw surgery...I am tired...

My mouth is showing the stress of my worries..3 cold sores lucky for me my cold sores just get painful and red little bumps but never go passed that to a all out sore...kind of weird but better than a ugly sore like most people have...

I found a herbal thing call remedy rescue I got at Whole Foods that I have been taking.It has calmed my panic attack feelings..somewhat...

I will be going to Mississippi in February to take a 3 day cram review course...

I dread driving...would like to fly but kind of expensive so will drive instead...maybe being in the car alone will give me time to be a peace with my mind and relax...

who knows..

I'm sorry I haven't been visiting your journals much...after march 23 my test will be over and I will be back in touch more constantly...

 

wow wow

wow has it been a week since I wrote an entry?...

I have been studying my butt off..ok ok  NOT Literally so quit looking its still there..

Today was a hard day for me..

For so many years I have told myself many crazy stupid words of denial..about why I didn't fulfill my Dental Hygiene license

-I never really wanted to do that I was young..

-who wants to clean teeth all day..

-that was a long time ago...

-that isn't me anyway people need me in my life

and many other  reasons...

I realize today that I told myself those things because I

was drum roll please

I AM AFRAID..

You see if I tell myself I never wanted something then I wouldn't have to put myself out there..It was safe in my little world of not wanting...

Today I felt like somebody hit me in the pit of my stomach..the fear of doom..I can't explain...I would rate it a panic attack...

a total out of control feeling....

what is scaring me I'm not sure..Trust me if you know me at all I have analyzed it to death...

Maybe you have your own theory let me know...

I know that I want this more than I have ever wanted anything in a long time...

To want with out knowing you will ever have...

is a scarey place to be....

conversation with zachary

Zach: mom we don't have school monday you know why

Me: why

Zach:its King Jr. day

Me: you mean Martin luther king jr

Zach: yeah thats him..

Zach: He died..I wish he was alive.

Me: you do why?

Zach: I would like to talk to him

Me really what would you say?

Zach: I would say nice shirt..

Me: ok <laughing>

Save your drama for your mama

My 10 years old son is king of drama...I swear that child gets a bump and its a blood curdling scream..

I told him today the scream does not fit the injury..you save the loud scream for when your really hurt...

You can't be screaming like this you will be in middle school ..you have to learn to shake off the small falls..

But mom <he whines> I'm in Paaaaiiinnn..

Pfftt..10 minutes later he is playing with brother..

so much for the injury...<Laugh>

I have been studying a lot and I'm quit proud of myself..

I did check out how much it would cost to take both my boards..

National<written>Board.. I think around 150.00 ok I can swing that

Clinical Boards... Around 800.00 What the....I hope I get a lap dance with that....dang....sure hope I don't fail...because its tough luck if you do..

I really want to take Janes review class I just don't know if  we can swing the 400.00 plus the cost of the hotel..

I wish she came to Dallas....

Well time for bed my brain is tired...Maybe Zachary excuse of a tired brain is true lol lol  

Ok I need you help

SO I have made a decision

Many of you know I have a Dental Hygiene Degree

I have never used it...Why you ask

Life happened...

I had a baby at 20

I got married 19

I got divorce 21

Became a single mommy

There I was 22 and exhausted..

I was determined to finish my schooling and I did

I got my degree..I was excited but real life sunk in and I needed to work to support my baby and me

THEN

I got a good paying job with a great corporation and told myself it would be temporary 6 months max and I would take my boards and them become a licensed Dental Hygienist...

Well its 22 years later 

I have decided to finish what I started...

I'm really fearful...I know I can do it but I'm fearful of failing..

I think fear has always kept me from trying again...

Plus I'm 44.. I think they would probably take a look at me and say hey we want a young pretty hygienist...lol

So I need all prayers and support ....there will be days where I think ...

AGGGHHH!!! Why am I doing this

So I may need you to kick me in the butt and stop me from being negative...

I thought I would share this with my j-land peeps...

Love

Donna In TEXAS

hi ho hi ho

Got called into job tonight...I', glad we need the money..Seems like everything is breaking or sometime needs fixed...

I havent worked in about 3 weeks I get lonesome and worthless when i don't work at all...

Hope everyone has a good weekend it should be about 70 degrees this weekend whoohoo....

In January I love it!!!!!

not a good day

Do you ever have days when you wonder why you are on this earth...??

I feel lonely today well to be honest I feel lonely everyday...Everysince we moved to Frisco I haven't felt like I fit it... 5 years we have lived here

They have great schools so we stay but there is something about the people I have met..

Very disconnected no feeling of warmth or community.

I don't have friends really..I try to make friends I just don't get it...People are nice to your face and say lets do this and that but its all hot air...

They just go into there houses and you never see them...

Maybe its because I don't have family here.

Well I have my sister but she doesn't speak to me...She is mad but she is mad a lot so not much I can do about it...

I try to stay in contact with family...

Sometimes my heart is just sad that we don't live closer...

Maybe I'm just whinney today who knows..

Wacthing the rose parade

I'm watching the Rose parade the only one I watch..It amazes me how they make those floats out of organics stuff and flowers.

Boy it is pouring down rain in california..WE could use some here..There has been terrible grass fires everywhere....

There was a marching band from Allen Texas in the rose parade which is a town near me..and of course University of Texas band..<longhorns>

Since I'm a old band geek I can appreciate the hard work going into doing a parade like the rose bowl..

I was explaining to my husband how cool a parade like that would be and I got a lump in my throat..

Once a band geek always a bank geek  HA!!!

Life would be boring without us band geeksss

My husband has been limping around he slept wrong on his back...Poor baby...

I ate my black eyed peas yesterday and made hubby eat one at least..

Looks like another beautiful warm day....

ok you stink pots I've been tagged again

5 werid things about me

1. I have to have the hangers in my closet going the same way and the shirts all have to be facing the same way...

The shirts and pants are seperate..If mixed together it frustrates me

2. I'm effected by colors...If I go into a room and the colors are harsh I feel bad and get bad vibes..I look away or down

Harsh colors make me feel like someone is screaming at me

3.I hate rock in roll were they scream instead of sing...Makes my head hurt makes me nausea...

Can you tell I'm sensitive

4.Socks that have a large seam on the end..hurts my feet and toes...my skin is so sensitive...I will physically hurt all over if the sock are hurting my feet....I've been that way since I was a little baby my mom says...Cameron my middle son is the same way...

5.I will turn the radio station if they are doing prank calls or mean stuff. I physically feel embarrased and sad for the people causes me to be very uncomfortable..

So there I'm offically a weirdo

WE made it

So I acutally stay up passed midnight I can't believe it first time in years....

I saw dick clark a little........... Wow he sounded like he was really struggling..bless his heart...

It looks like its going to be a beautiful day...

We have the back door open feels like summer to me

Sitting here with my cup of joe....watching hgtv and the food network

Can we say old lady? HA!!!

Hope all is having a good one

Love,

Donna