7000.00 thousand dollars...
This is a guess of the amount of money I have invested in the last year and a half in my goal to get my license in Dental Hygiene....This is only a guess could be more...I don't even want to really know....<she feels nausea setting in>
No we are not wealthy and no I didn't just have this money laying around collecting interest...
Its money we busted our butts to get or my family did without for me to pursue my dream
I feel stress like you wouldn't believe....a million words go around in my head over and over...like..
If I fail my family has suffered for nothing...
Oh people say you will do fine don't worry...
But those are empty assurances because I know what the playing field is and I'm not working with the best odds....
I guess in my heart I know I will not succeed...oh I can bang my chest and say I will prevail...but deep in my heart doing this alone is way harder than even a hard headed person like me can do...
It not that I can't be a hygienist...that is the easy part...its all the stupid rules..Finding the right patient is like finding a needle in a haystack...They make the test so difficult to follow or be successful at not doing it alone....
The reason its so hard for me is because I'm not in school anymore so I don't have a support system...not to mention I graduated 23 years ago from hygiene school
I sit here and tears are running down my face the emotion is so strong.. I can't even stop them
I feel like I have wasted my families time and money...
This is a old wound from 23 years ago...this feeling of failure...... I thought I could be successful this time
Frankly I'm exhausted...and feel like I could run far away and never turn back
Fear is a strong emotion it evokes such pain in my heart.....
So tomorrow will come and my eyes will open and I will take a step each and every day until the test comes on May 1st...
Posts
9 comments:
One day at a time is ALWAYS a wise decision! I am sure your family does not view it as you do. Can you imagine how they'd feel if you never even attempted your dreams because you feared they would have to sacrifice a little with you? I cannot believe that education, learning, growing is ever a waste. And I'm hoping and praying for you that it will lead to the fulfillment of your goals! ;o) - BArbara
Awwwwwwwwww Donna, sending hugs your way, Love Ya Lisa XO
YOU WILL SUCCEED>>>>>>>YOU ALREADY HAVE.....BY NOT GIVING UP...BY GOING FOR THAT BRASS RING...BY PUTTING ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER...YOU KEEP GOING.....YOU WILL SUCCEED....AND YOUR FAMILY IS BEHIND YOU...THEY GOT YOUR BACK....AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHNIG ELSE...WE HERE IN J-LAND DO TOO...DO NOT LET FEAR HOLD YOU BACK....YOU GO FOR IT GIRLFRIEND! :)
GOD BLESS YOU SUGAR...
LOVE YA,
CARLENE
oh poor you how I feel for you......
Always good to talk about thi sstuff instead of letting it fester in your mind. Hey look on the bright side. Your family got together and helped support you in this. Not everyone can say that. They did it because they love you and that won't change no matter what you do. If you need poeple just put ads out there. LIke Craigslist or the such. Usually you need the worse teeth for this. Hit the Salvation army they would be grateful for you to help people while you practice. ~ Mike
I'm so sorry; I'm praying it will work out for you.
I have a saying ... "It's time to step out of the boat." It means make changes, take chances, try something new, try ANYTHING new! You hon, have stepped out of the boat..... so few people do. You should be very proud of yourself. ~Sie
Oh, honey, you are so hard on yourself....please be as gentle with yourself as you are with the rest of the world. You deserve it.
I know where your coming from and I feel deeply for you, but this too will pass and so will you. My son recently said to me, as I was about to question a decision I made, Mom, once you've made a decision and moved forward don't ever second quess that decision and don't look back, you've got to keep moving forward, just keep moving forward. Good advice I believe and he is the one that has had a goal, reached it, set another goal and reached it and he's still doing this, so I have someone who has actually walked his talk share this bit of wisdom with me and I'm sharing it with you. Many blessings coming your way.
Marlene - A Poet's Point of View
http://jouranls.aol.com/mkolasa101/PurelyPoetry
Post a Comment