Company came and went....
It was nice to have them here and kind of makes me sad that we don't live closer to family...
Debbie<hubby sister> took the kids back with her....I have been very sad since they left..
I cried after they drove off yesterday and some this morning....I think it is because they are so special to me and I see the future of what is to come .........
when they are gone .
It's a reminder that the days are numbered until I will have all children out and living on there own...
Being a mom is my job and its phasing out.....in some areas
I will be 46 August 29...and frankly I have changed so much in my thinking in a year it scares me...
I just don't care about living in a city anymore and I want to live somewhere slower....
I want to live somewhere with a flashing red light....land around me....
and quite...
I don't have the energy to keep up nor do I care to....
I hate where we live...I want to drive down the street and see farm trucks and regular people NOT stupid hummers,BMW,Mercedes everywhere...
When we moved here it was a small sleepy town of 25 thousand and in 6 years it is a town of ovver 100 thousand...
I don't like what all these outsiders have brought with them more crime...increased housing cost...big mcmansions.....bratty spoilt rich kids who drive better cars than I have every owned or care to own...
My hubby says I am doing through midlife....<note hubby is 38>
Could beI say.... I never have felt this before so who knows..
We were having a cup of coffee and I told himYa know they don't have a book that says how to get older ikn 100 steps...maybe I should write one lol lol
Such a hopeless feeling sometimes..
I look at life and think
IS this is....!! Is this as good as it gets.....
I appreciate everything... I have a wonderful hubby and children..good health....
I don't know what I thought is would be like at 45...you have a dream at 20 and you bumble along and bam your 45....
Yes I know I could be older and I will be one day or dead who knows..
These are just thoughts I have
and
I thought
I would share them and see if you all ever felt like this...or been through this
happy July 4......
Donna
Posts
7 comments:
you're not getting older, you're getting wiser yep i've felt some of things you're feeling i'm a couple years older than you it took a little while for me to get thru it now i'm finding ways to keep feeling younger by the minute it still isn't easy sometimes but i'm trying not to think about it there are dreams still to be fulfilled find yours and make them come true....hugz!kbear
I'm probably the weird one but no I didn't feel like that because I felt so good in my 40's and 50's after feeling bad in my younger years. I think one thing that helped me was taking my frustrations out on yard work and taking care of a duplex and fixing it up to rent out. Hope your bad feeling passes or you get to make the changes that make you happy. Paula
Donna, I miss you !!!!!!!! Hope you had a good 4'th of July !!!!!!!! Hugs Lisa
They say that every age has its compensations. At 57, I certainly find this to be true. You shed all of those old ideas of how things are "supposed to be" and just do things your way. You may be surprised to find that the very best is yet to come. Six years ago, I would never have thought that having grandchildren would be so wonderful. Let me tell you, it is. I add new meaning to "obnoxious grandmother". I love those little ones. And you get to enjoy them in a way you never could your own children.
When I turned 30 years old, it hit me like a ton of bricks. (I don't know why -- 30 is a mere baby) I got over that and have never looked back.
Look at this age as a new beginning, not an end.
I am wanting to move to the country, too...
I'm 46 going on 47. I find as I get older I take less crap off of people. Yet at the same time I let go of so manythings that I couldn't have 20 years ago. I don't care if people think I'm sexy. I know I am smart, and it doesn't matter who else does. I'm not afraid of the future, but I'm not rushing it along either. - Barbara
I know what your feeling, I too was in what I thought was the happiest days of my life when out of the blue I sense this question - "Is this all there is?" It blew me away. That was when I was about 49, but to me it was an awakening, a call to look deeper wintin myself and find the answer not only to that questions but to who I Am outside of all my titles of wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, fellow worker, etc. Many things happeed during those years and I believed I was handling them just fine. I just brushed them off with "It's okay, I'm tough, I can handle it." Somehow I had become someone that I didn't like myself(attitude wise) through all this but to keep a story short it catapulted me into a spiritual search for who I was on the inside not on the outside. It's not an easy task to start seperating what you believe from what you were programed to believe, but it is life changing. I live in the country though, in the house that love built on the property we bought 37 years ago, and yet also felt the urge to move somewhere else. We know where it is we would move to and the urge is still there but I wonder sometimes if the move is not still an inward move instead of an outward move. We all go through this differently and I am praying that you will find happiness, joy and much peace in this new experience you are desiring to have.
Blessings to you,
Marlene - A Poet's Point of View
http://journals.aol.com/mkolasa101/PurelyPoetry
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